this gal's life.

Almost everyone that knows me, even in the slightest, knows how much I love true crime investigation (as well as law). I recently finishedImperfect Justice: Prosecuting Casey Anthonyby one of the best attorneys I have seen in a high profile case: Jeff Ashton.

Right from the get go, I noticed something about the book that would either work or not work, entirely, for readers. I previously read a book that provided background on the case so I knew a good chunk of what was written in the beginning of the text. I also watched the entire trial, so I had even more insight into the ins and outs. If you are already familiar with the case and the trial, the beginning may not be as riveting as the middle or near the end. However, if this is your first time reading about the Casey Anthony trial, Ashton has done an excellent job providing just enough background information to set the stage for those who are not 100% familiar with the case.

I was astonished by how difficult it was to work with Jose Baez. I always thought defense attorneys sort of “played dirty” for lack of a better phrase, but this seemed out of control to me. When I went to court to sue someone, the defense attorney tried everything to get me rattled — and I won, by the way, without an attorney…so that obviously didn’t work. At any rate, though, I couldn’t believe the odd arguments that came, went, came again, weren’t ever discussed, were kept on the back burner…all made by Jose Baez. I don’t know how the prosecution kept its cool as well as it did during this entire trial.

It may just be from reading student essays everyday, but we get to a point after reading a certain genre over and over that we expect writers to make certain moves. Even in non-fiction, those who are well-versed in the genre know what creates suspense and what foreshadows what’s to come. I was waiting for Ashton’s long-winded ramble about how he was so entirely shocked that Casey Anthony was not found guilty of any crime other than lying to law enforcement, but he took me by surprise.

Not only do I think this has given avid non-fiction readers, especially true crime, a twist that they were not expecting, but it also showed dignity and respect toward the jury. I think “professionalism” is the best way to describe it. Instead of spending pages and pages talking about how utterly shocked the prosecution team was, Ashton stated the verdict of the case and continued discussing facts.

In short, I do not get the impression that this book was written to sway one’s opinion — it was written to provide facts about not only evidence, but working with a defense attorney who (my words, not his) was somewhat of a pig, as well as a redefinition of common sense in the court room. I recommend this book for anyone who wants to get to know the trial and also get excellent insight about what took place outside of the courtroom.

I don’t know about you, but if you are planning a wedding and have picked up a bridal magazine, it’s catered to people who A) are at least moderately well off with money, meaning that they have the extra cash laying around to pay a 1500 up front deposit on a catering hall, and/or B) have AT LEAST a year to plan it.

This seems like it was the norm and still is 50% of the norm, but there are definitely people who are looking for something different. We got engaged in January and decided to get married on July 20. That didn’t leave us much time to say money. Granted, we decided from the get go that we wanted no more than 80 people, so we knew that we wouldn’t have to front a million dollars for our guest list with 400 people (and I mean 80 people including the bride, groom, parents, bridal party, guests, officiant, photographer). Still, I was under impressed with the so-called “budget” bridal magazines.

The problem with these reads, which usually cost at least five dollars (such as The Knot Ohio), is that they are for people who can afford to spend money on ALL aspects of the wedding. There’s no advice on how to actually budget: what to spend more on; what to spend less on. Basically, it’s how to get the cheapest of the 500 items that you “need” instead of “since you only have money to spend on three BIG things, here’s how you can cut down other places.” I have been learning some on my own, so I want to share it for all the brides/grooms who are working class and need to really budget appropriately — like us.

Only spend TONS of money on the photographer, if you must! Think about it. This is one of the only parts of the weddings that you can tangibly keep forever. You don’t want Deb from Glamour Shots taking them and doing a horrible job because she was cheap. If you have to dish out a lot of cash for ANYTHING, make it the photographer. When you look around your house in thirty years, you more than likely won’t see the centerpieces or flowers — but you will see your pictures. Get an excellent photographer and cut in other places.

No one knows the difference between dresses that are custom made and dresses that are not. Maybe if you work at Kleinfeld’s and the employees are invited to your wedding…then people may know the difference. Otherwise, people are not going to look at the extra grand you spent on a dress and realize that it’s custom made. Get a dress that fits your style and flatters you; it doesn’t matter if you spend the extra money to get it custom made. I went to David’s Bridal for mine and got a gorgeous dress that was less than 600 dollars. I look great in it because it complements a thin figure, and I think people would have the same reaction — WOW — wether or not it was custom made. Spending this money doesn’t seem necessary.

The centerpieces are not nearly as important as you think. I called my mom panicking because of all the money I had to set a side to spend on centerpieces. She had a great point: People are usually moving them out of their way at the tables to talk to each other, anyway! She’s so right. Expensive centerpieces just are not worth it because, quite honestly, people probably won’t remember them. Another  friend had a great idea to save money and this is exactly what we are doing: double up your open bar and centerpieces. We are putting a red and white wine at each table on top of a mirror with some garnishment and some ribbon around the bottles. This way, when you pay for the wine, you are also paying for the centerpieces — much cheaper.

Oh, and speaking of the open bar…people do not need liquor Have a signature cocktail and cut the rest. If you are going to have liquor, you have to do it the right way. You cannot provide guests with the cheapest of everything. It has to be middle-top shelf, or else they will remember the open bar…for all the wrong reasons. We decided to  cut it all together, but not to the extreme of a dry wedding. We are having Apothic White, Apothic Red, Yuengling, and Coors Light. On top of that, we are having one signature cocktail called “The 720” (7/20 is our wedding date): raspberry juice, Absolut, and a couple slices of lime. It’s simple: we can’t afford all top shelf, and we don’t want to be trashy. By having one signature cocktail with a great Vodka, we are doing just fine. Plus, our reception is about a half hour from the ceremony — so we don’t want people driving home after taking five or six shots. One more rule: DO NOT DO A CASH BAR! That is zero class. People spent time and money to come to your wedding and bring you a gift. If you can’t afford alcohol, have a dry wedding. 

There’s no need to have pricy, high end food. If you really think about it, why pay so much to have seared tuna with orange mint sauce, decorated with one leaf on the plate? What is that? People want to DANCE! That seared tuna fin isn’t filling. At our wedding, we are having what I call “real food.” Pasta, roast beef, and a few others. Our plates are 13 a pice and I know of people that paid 19 and above. Not worth it to me! People want to eat good food, but that does not always mean pricy food. You can’t go wrong with pasta among other staples.

Paper, paper paper…I swear, people start coming up with new ideas just to make money. If you really want to cut costs, cut down on the price of invitations and programs. The whole “reception card” idea is funny to me. Why pay for an extra piece of color-printed card stock to tell people where the reception is and what time it starts? It makes the envelope heavier so it may also cost more to mail. Also — it’s annoying for guests: Okay, let’s make people hang ONE MORE piece of paper up on the fridge that will probably fall between the fridge and stove anyway. We put our reception details right on the invitation. We took the font size down one point size so everything fits and is readable, and there is still a nice amount of white space so it’s not overwhelming. This cut our price of paper down by at least fifty dollars, and people don’t have a million pieces of paper to keep track of.

Also, if you are having a small wedding, is there really a need to send save-the-dates to everyone? Sending them to people out of town is a good idea because of flights, but ultimately, they are not entirely necessary. Cutting those down, or cutting them out, can save probably 30-75 dollars.

Utilize your talents to make handmade gifts for the bridal party. I’m a writer and Steve is a photographer. Between our talents, we can make some really cute gifts for the bridesmaids and groomsmen that don’t cost an arm and a leg. Some people buy jewelry and that’s nice, but you can also use what you are good at to make something even more special than a mass-produced necklace. Also, it’s really simple to make bracelets and necklaces. Beads are minimally priced and the crimping tool with clasps and such = also really cheap.

Make stuff! I am sewing my groomsmen pillow and I am making my flower girl basket. It’s cheaper and looks just how I want it to look. Plus, it’s fun for me and my mom to be able to get together and have a sewing lesson.

The cake that people hardy eat. Wedding cake doesn’t even get eaten that much. My advice is to have a cake with the minimal amount of slices and get a sheet cake of the same flavor with the same icing. People will never know the difference when it is being served. We are getting a cake that feeds fifty (two small tiers) and having a sheet cake in the kitchen. When it’s served, no one will know — and a lot of people do not eat the cake, so we may not even have to use the sheet cake. It’s a lot cheaper. Also, keep in mind that people EAT it. The extra dollar you want to pay for fondant icing, plus the filling, plus having a million different flavors will be remembered only as long as there is cake on a plate. Once it’s eaten, people will be like “that was good” and move on.

I’m still working on cutting down costs in other places, but so far, we have saved a lot of cash by doing these small things. Weddings are expensive, but cutting thirty or fifty down here and there can make a big difference. Happy planning; we are getting there!

There is one sure fire way to ruin it for the bride: give her problems with the guest list. There are many people out there who invite tons of people in a swift attempt not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Anyone who knows me well knows that I don’t mind being realistic and doing exactly what I want for good reasons. My guest list is the way that it is for a reason.

For a lot of people, marriage is a show. It’s a chance to show off the food and the drinks and everything else. Let’s be honest: it’s always a bit of a show. I mean, we go out and get white dresses and spend time making invitations and stuff that looks nice. It’s pretty much tradition. However, there is a difference between ensuring that your guests have a good time and kissing everyone’s ass just because or stupid etiquette and/or stupid drama that shouldn’t happen in the first place.

Maybe I just look at my wedding differently. I was just telling my fiancé that I’ve spent six years in school learning how to analyze words. It’s true — I create a discourse analysis out of everything. Just last night he asked me a question and I picked it apart into something that could have been a dramatic soliloquy in a Shakespeare play. Words are my thing; I take them very seriously. I believe my wedding is a celebration of love, friendship, and commitment; that is how I picked my guest list.

Allow me to teach you how to do a brief discourse analysis. Let’s begin by defining these words, via any American dictionary.

Love: I have never liked the word “love” as a noun. I think it’s cheap and I think when you really love someone, it must be in the verb form. Verbs are actions; thus, love is something that you do. Actions are choices, so love is something that you choose to do. The dictionary defines it as, “to have love or affection for” (dictionary.com 15).

Friendship: I believe friendship is often combined with love. The same dictionary states that friendship is, “the state of being a friend.” Once again, this is often a noun. However, you can be a friend to someone, which means you take action to perform the art of friendship and being a good friend. You listen to someone, help someone, are there for someone.

Commitment: This is one of my favorites. Commitment, defined by the same dictionary, means “A pledge or promise; obligation.” The word “obligation” usually has a negative connotation attached to it, but I don’t find it negative in the sense of marriage. When the going gets tough, you DO have an obligation — the obligation to hold up your wedding vows. It’s one of the more fulfilling obligations.

Now, when I was creating my guest list, I think I did it a bit differently than most people. I don’t believe that the celebration of these three things is limited to the bride and groom. Everyone at the wedding needs to partake in this. They need to have shown these things to either Steve and I, or both of us, at least a bit. If people did not express love, friendship, and commitment to each or both of us…then what right do they have to be at our wedding? We had about 75 slots open. People who are invited are those who share in these the most.

There are, unfortunately, members of my family who have yet to show this to me. I stick to my guns — those family members were not invited. This isn’t about looking good to everyone else; it’s about the above three things. People who are on the guest list are now off of it because of how ridiculous they have acted over us getting engaged and getting married quickly; a couple of people are still being added because they’ve been supportive throughout the whole process.

For anyone that is wondering, there’s your explanation. Now, please leave me alone about it.

I want to start by saying that people change throughout their lives for various reasons. It’s 100% certain that no one stays the same. When I think of myself at age 18 as opposed to now (age 25), I can’t even remember all the ways I have changed; there are just too many. People change; that is certain.

Change seems like it’s difficult for everyone. I will be the first to say that change, even good change, gives me anxiety sometimes. Whenever the seasons change, I feel…odd. The first cold day hits me in a strange way. It’s as though all of a sudden, the warmth is gone. What’s strange about it is that you never really know when summer is leaving. You have that last 85 degree day and then it’s on to cold nights. Maybe it’s just me because I am overly analytical at times, but I always wonder in August, “is this going to be it?” I try to plan for that last day of summer. Why? It’s a change. We like to be as prepared as we can for change, even if we love it.

Throughout my life, I have learned to establish a healthy relationship with change. It’s one of those things that we cannot get away from. I have learned to take her in instead of trying to run from her; she always catches up with me. I don’t always like what she does, but I found that with some guidance from above, she can be a blessing.

Thus, the bottom line: change is inevitable in all areas of life. People change; lives change; everything changes. Parents die. Babies are born. Jobs are brought to an end. Houses are built. Apartments are rented. Moves across the country occur. Seasons change. Weight fluctuates. Paint goes on the walls. Cars die and new ones are bought. Bank accounts go up and down. Life is a bundle of change in every single way.

So why, then, is it looked at as a heinous crime when people get into serious relationships with others? People use it as a weapon to manipulate: “You’re changing. Clearly, he/she is not good for you.” Why? Because I’m suddenly doing things differently now? That’s ridiculous.

I will say that yes, sometimes the change occurring can be unhealthy. Dropping off the radar entirely is not good. Getting into heavy drinking and drugs is also not good. I am sure there are a list of other unhealthy changes brought about by unhealthy relationships.

However…and this is a big “however,” there are a lot of changes brought about by healthy relationships that people hate, and I have yet to discover why. Since I have started dating Steve, and especially since we have moved in together, I can see how I have changed. Namely, I live my life with someone else now. I want to be home by 4:30 whenever possible to see him when he gets home from work. I like to be at our house for dinner so I can cook him something he’ll like to eat. I like to get up in the morning and instead of sitting on Facebook for three hours, I want to clean up the house so it looks nice in case my family/friends or his family/friends stop over. I don’t want to discuss intimate details of our lives with people who I do not consider trust worthy.

Those are all things a single girl doesn’t do. Newsflash: I’m not single anymore. Why wouldn’t things I do change when my life changes? Think about it; it’s common sense.

Steve has made some changes, too, and they are also a result of not being single anymore and living a single lifestyle. Being in somewhat of a family setting, we are both concerned about setting a good example for Jack. That’s very important to both of us.

The beautiful thing about all of this is that neither one of us have forced change on each other. No one says “don’t go there” or “you can’t do this” or “don’t be friends with this person anymore.” We both feel this relationship and love has added something to our lives and extended our independence; I won’t speak entirely for Steve but I am pretty sure we feel more confident to live our lives because we are both there for each other in so many ways. I support everything he does; he supports everything I do. That’s not unearthly whatsoever.

Unfortunately, some friends just don’t make the changes with us. Some people are friends through convenience; for example, I am sure there are my “go out on the weekend” friends that I’ll lose touch with a bit. It just isn’t a lifestyle that I am entirely interested in anymore. That doesn’t mean I feel offended by those people, and if they are really my friends, they won’t feel offended, either.

Change is a catalyst to let us discover who are real friends are. Real friends stick with you through change, support you, and choose to believe you have a good head on your shoulders (unless it’s abusive or something, of course). Others don’t make it through the change, and for those to blame it on you and say “you’re changing…that’s wrong and I refuse to befriend you anymore,” they weren’t your friends to begin with.

I say cheers to change, being happy, and understanding that people don’t remain the same — no matter what the situation — from age 18-99.